Accountant Jokes

Go on, relax, have a laugh

Just a few laughs of course; we have work to do.

Have a heart!

A chap walks into a hospital and sees two doctors on their hands and knees in the hospital flowerbeds. He asks, "Can I help, have you lost something?". "No," says one doctor. "We're about to do a heart transplant on an accountant and we're looking for a suitable stone."

Adultery summed up!

An accountant leaves a note for his wife one Friday evening. It read: “Dear Wife. This week I turned 54. I am going away for the weekend. I will be staying at the Hilton with my gorgeous, sexy, 18-year-old secretary.” When he arrives at the hotel there is a letter waiting for him.

It is from his wife. It reads: “Dear Husband. I am also 54. I am also going away for the weekend. I will be staying at the Sheraton with my handsome and virile 18-year-old toy boy.

As an accountant, you'll appreciate that 18 goes into 54 many more times than 54 goes into 18.”

Finally, a fishy one...

Why won't sharks attack tax inspectors? Professional courtesy.

If one can't laugh at ones self....

Also....

Internet Trading

Do you have anything to declare? In a bid to target those who are not paying the correct taxes HMRC have recently announced further specific target areas, one of which is internet trading. Read more

Business angels

The Government's growth plan includes helping SMEs to access the finance they need to grow and invest. Measures announced following the Budget earlier this year included an announcement of reforms to the Enterprise Investment Scheme (EIS) and Venture Capital Trusts (VCTs).. Read on

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